I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
he thought i was a dude.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
