Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
