at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
