Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
