I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
