He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Randomize
