it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
