how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
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