Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
