Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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