We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
