pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
