I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Randomize