That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
