so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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