I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
