In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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