The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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