I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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