I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
