You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
