every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
