Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
