no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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