alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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