i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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