i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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