Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
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