No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
