life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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