What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
