do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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