i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
It's not a walk of shame if you run
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
