Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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