At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
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