Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
