if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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