You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
