oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
