after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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