dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
