remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize