I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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