Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
