I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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