Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
