Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
