I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
