I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize