Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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