I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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