Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Are we still banned from the library?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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