so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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