Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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