I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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