It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I queefed so loud it echoed.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
