bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize