i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
