as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize