Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
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