Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
