I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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