we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize