We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Randomize
