I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Vodka?
Forever.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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