i would punch a child for taco bell
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
