4 words: hood of his car
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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