I wish I could punch you in the face.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Randomize
