So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
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