Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
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