I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
