You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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