he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
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