hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
