there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
