I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
