Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
