Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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